a long week

it´s been a difficult week.
working with the kinder is more difficult than it sounds.
these kids need more than someone to play with. they have people to play with and to read to them etc.
i spent half the week giving kids "time out" or "tiempo solo". i´ve started to learn how to give soft lectures in spanish. i´m more a disciplinarian than a teacher. i don´t like that. there has been a lot of change in these kids lives, and they are resistant to so much.

what these kids need are full time social workers, a doctor and dentist who give the kids full medical attention, a kitchen and cleaning staff who know what it means to clean and disinfect, a full time person to oversee everything, and money so the place can continue to run.
on the surface, these kids seem fine, content, they have clothes, they get to go out to pizza hut, or to pools or to the beach a few times a week. they get attention.

looking closer you see that all of the kids have stomach issues, likely from the lack of cleanliness in the kitchen, there´s a six year old (my sponsor child) with a hernia, there is a family of girls from 5-10 years old who don´t understand how to kiss an adult with a closed mouth, and all the kids have lice to a certain extent, some have ringworm.
it seems like theatre and dance class is the last thing that they need.

the organization is made up of amazing, well meaning and hard working volunteers - but it´s a new organization and they seem to need so much that i don´t have to give them.
if the orphanage is forced to close, these kids will be sent to foster care (where they came from) which will be worse. at least they are in a place where they are loved and have some sort of structure...
i don´t know.
i hope i can contribute something.

the other thing that is so disheartening is the general apathy of hondurans towards the welfare of the children in their country. there are some who are amazing and care so much, but in general there is both a lack of knowledge and a lack of concern. i wonder how one can help a country that is not ready to help itself.

so here i am. in a place where it it isn´t 100% safe to walk alone in the day, and not safe to walk alone at night. where any sort of running water or electricity is a luxury. where walls are a luxury. where children have been neglected, abandoned, abused and orphaned....

yet, on the other side, seeing the kids sing "you are my sunshine" for a volunteer who left after a year, and having them give you hugs and say they wish you were their "madrina" (godmother) gets you through the day and makes you really want to give them something more.

where does one even begin??